


The Katsulanont Guide to Last Minute Christmas Presents

by xylophones



Series: The Katsulanont Guide to Life [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Christmas Presents, Dogs, Friendship, Gen, Gift Giving, Holidays, Pre-Series, Presents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 02:10:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13136931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xylophones/pseuds/xylophones
Summary: It’s December 24th at exactly 5:23 AM when Yuuri and Phichit realize that they don’t have a Christmas present for Celestino.





	The Katsulanont Guide to Last Minute Christmas Presents

**Author's Note:**

> happy holidays!!  
> this is a holiday/ december/ end of the year present for everyone on the Detroit Daze server <3 yall keep me going tbh 
> 
> Mack the Corgi is [cookie's](http://thecookiemonster77.tumblr.com/) doggo OC. shes fluffy n adorable n i love her.

It’s December 24th at exactly 5:23 AM when Yuuri and Phichit realize that they don’t have a Christmas present for Celestino.

Yuuri looks up from the pancakes he’s making and squawks in alarm. “Phichit! Ciao Ciao!”

“What?” Phichit blinks. Then he gets it. “ _Ciao Ciao!”_

“How could we forget? We see him every day!”

“He’s the one who taught us all about American Christmas traditions in the first place!”

“Okay, I think we should stay calm,” Yuuri says, on the edge of hyperventilating.

“We got _Mack_ a present. How got a present for his dog and somehow didn’t remember to buy him one!”

“In our defense,” Yuuri says, “I think we were too distracted thinking about how cute she’s going to look in her new hamster costume to think about Ciao Ciao.”

Phichit grins. “I think we spent more money on that costume and her treats than we did on everyone else’s presents combined.”

“Oh, no.” Yuuri sets down his spatula. The pancakes start to burn. “Phichit, we’re broke. How are we going to get him something, we have, like, zero money.”

“We could––”

“We’re not going to steal anything.”

Phichit shoots him a glare. “That’s not even what I was going to say. I was going to suggest that you––”

“I’m not flirting with that cashier again,” Yuuri grumbles, flushing. “That was a one-time thing.”

“It’s for Ciao Ciao, though!”

“ _No_. Well, maybe. No, definitely not. Think of something else.”

They sit in silence for a minute. The pancakes are now smoking.

“I know!” Phichit gasps. “The Positivity Jar!”

Yuuri and Phichit both turn to look at the jar, sitting on the counter. The deal was that every time Yuuri said something self-deprecating, or Phichit made a negative comment about himself, they’d put a dollar in the jar. Celestino was the one who got them started with it.

“We have a solid fifty bucks in that, don’t we?”

Yuuri grimaces. “I wish I could say it’s less, but yeah, probably.”

“Perfect!” Phichit nudges Yuuri out of the way and takes care of the pancakes, which are now looking more like lumps of coal than pancakes. “We can go to the mall after our run. Don’t worry, we’ll find something for Ciao Ciao.”

 

* * *

 

Five years ago, Yuuri Katsuki was a shy eighteen-year-old skater with two friends, no international titles, and almost zero confidence.

Coach Celestino helped fix all of that.

He helped Yuuri find a dorm and made sure his university was aware of his practice and competition schedule. He kept close tabs on Yuuri while he was settling in, trying to make the transition as smooth as possible. Celestino went above and beyond what Yuuri thought a coach’s usual obligations were.

Sometimes they don’t get along. Sometimes Celestino’s coaching style isn’t a good fit for Yuuri and sometimes they both get frustrated. But Celestino has helped him achieve his dreams. He pushes Yuuri to be a better version of himself, and that’s something that can’t be made up for with a present.

To Yuuri, the presents aren’t important. Celestino shows his support for Yuuri every day, and that’s all he can really ask for.

 

* * *

 

They end up at the sad mall on the edge of town. It’s packed with what seems like the entire population of Detroit.

“Well, knowing we aren’t the only ones last minute shopping makes me feel a little better,” Yuuri says. Phichit clasps his hands together in prayer and dramatically bows his head.

“A moment of silence for the retail workers forced to be here,” he says solemnly. “Sacrificed to the capitalist hellmachine that keeps this mall–– this _country_ –– running.”

They stand at the entrance until a disgruntled middle-aged man knocks into them.

“Rude.” Phichit glares at his retreating back.

“C’mon, we can’t stand here forever.” Yuuri links their arms and together they brave the storm.

The next three hours passes in a blur of crying children and frazzled shoppers. They drift hopelessly from store to store, caught up in a riptide as people push and shove their way through, ravaging the already barren store shelves. They witness no less than three fist fights break out, one over a truly hideous scarf. Yuuri has horrific flashbacks to the first time he went Black Friday shopping in America. He tightens his hold on Phichit’s arm.

Yuuri swears that shopping malls like this exist in pocket dimensions, because there is _no way_ that it’s been three hours. Time doesn’t work the same here.

“Pocket dimensions,” he says out of the blue.

Phichit doesn’t miss a beat. “I know exactly what you mean. Now, do you think Ciao Ciao would like a new set of ear muffs?”

“Definitely not. Let’s find him the ugliest one we can.”

The ugliest ear muffs they can find turn out to be bright yellow, designer, and worth more than their apartment.

“I could sell a kidney,” Yuuri offers. Phichit scoffs.

“For that piece of shit? I won’t let you.”

The elderly lady also looking at the ear muffs shoots them a glare. Phichit doesn’t notice.

“What about a fancy thermos? Or a new tie?”

Every suggestion sounds awful. The mall is so crowded, and people are yelling, and Yuuri feels boxed in, like the walls are pushing in slowly and the people are getting louder and meaner, and there’s a kid in the corner who won’t stop staring at him, and Yuuri truly, from the bottom of his heart, _hates_ those ugly, yellow ear muffs, but the elderly lady looking at them is watching Yuuri like she thinks he’s going to snatch them out of her hands, and what if she calls _security_ on them and––

“Phichit,” is all he has to say.

Phichit steps in front of Yuuri and takes his hands. “Hey. Hey, it’s going to be okay. Breath with me?”

They make it out of the parking lot and into their car in one piece. Phichit drives them home, expertly weaving through Detroit traffic and talking Yuuri down from his anxiety at the same time.

“We don’t need to buy a present,” Phichit says. “We can make one! DIY! We’re pretty crafty. Plus, it’ll have sentimental value.”

Phichit continues to babble on about present ideas. Yuuri lets his voice wash over him, lulling him into a state of peace. Once he starts to feel better, Yuuri flips on the radio and they sing along to Christmas music the entire ride home.

 

* * *

 

When Yuuri first moved to America, he had no friends.

There was his first roommate, another international student. He was in the hockey program, and also majoring in sports psychology. Despite their shared love for sports psych and ice sports, they never really became friends. Yuuri took night classes so he could practice during the day. He barely saw him, and after the first quarter he moved into a frat house with the rest of his hockey friends.

It’s was difficult. Yuuri hated America. Everything was too loud and his dorm room was shitty and he couldn’t talk to the people at his rink without embarrassing himself. His english was excellent, he just didn't know how to communicate with them. He missed Yuuko and Takeshi and Minako and Vicchan and his mom’s cooking. He missed Hasetsu so much he _ached_ with it.

He was most of his way through his first year at university when Coach Celestino introduced him to Phichit Chulanont.

“Yuuri, this is Phichit, your new rinkmate,” Celestino said, patting a smaller boy on the back. He had wide grey eyes and a smile that was brighter than the sun. “Phichit, this is––”

“Yuuri Katsuki,” Phichit says, smiling shyly. “I-I loved your last Junior Worlds free skate.”

Yuuri blushes. “Thanks. I liked the song a lot.”

“Me, too!” Phichit bounces in place. “I love Studio Ghibli, especially _Howl’s Moving Castle_!”

From there, their friendship spiraled out of control.

 

* * *

 

The thing about DIY is that you have to do it _yourself_.

“We should have just bought something,” Phichit whines. On the table in front of him is the mangled remains of his pillowcase, sacrificed to make a hat. The hat is starting to look more like a body bag than a hat.

“They make it look so easy,” Yuuri mutters. He pauses the instructional video on his laptop. “I want to make this corgi mailbox but where am I supposed to get power tools?”

An hour ago they tried to arm knit something and ended up tangled in a hopeless mess on the couch. They had to call their neighbors to help cut them free.

“None of these DIY presents are actually _doable._ ” Yuuri continues to scroll through the Pinterest board he’d found. “Do you think Ciao Ciao would want a jar of homemade toilet cleaner?”

Phichit abandons his hat and drapes himself over Yuuri’s shoulder, peeking curiously at his laptop. “Does it come in a mason jar? Why do they all have mason jars?”

“What about this?” Yuuri clicks on a link. “DIY marbled coffee mug with nail polish. That seems easy. We have a black mug that would probably look good with your gold nail polish.”

“But, Yuuri,” Phichit protests, smashing his face into Yuuri’s shoulder, “that gold nail polish is my _favorite_.”

“Fine. What about––”

“This one,” they say at the same time, pointing to the same gift.

They look at each other, grinning.

“It’s _perfect_ ,” Phichit says.

 

* * *

 

Christmas day is always a bit hectic. The rink is usually crowded with parents buying their kids ice skating lessons as a Christmas present, so Phichit, Yuuri, and Celestino hold their Christmas dinner at Celestino’s house later in the evening.

“You’re late,” Celestino says as soon as he has the door open. Mack looks up at them from behind him, shaking her butt excitedly. On top of her head, balanced perfectly between her floppy ears, is a mini Santa hat.

“Mack!”

“Woof!”

Yuuri squeaks and drops to his knees. Mack bounds into his arms, bowling him over.

“Look at you!” Yuuri laughs from the floor. “Look at your little Santa hat!”

“Everytime you see her, it’s like you’ve been apart for years. So dramatic,” Celestino snorts. He smiles and holds his arms open.

Yuuri gets to his feet and Celestino pulls him and Phichit into a bear hug.

“Merry Christmas, kids.” Celestino pulls back and pats them both on the shoulder fondly. “Come on, dinner’s almost ready.”

“Good, because I’m _starving_ ,” Phichit announces. He scoops up Mack and cradles her in his arms like a baby. “ _Someone_ burned the pancakes this morning.”

“We still have a stain on our ceiling from the last time _you_ made pancakes. At least mine were edible, mostly.”

Celestino stares at them, astonished. “ _How_ are you two still alive?”

“Sheer force of will!” Phichit answers cheerfully.

Celestino shakes his head and retreats back into the kitchen to finish cooking. Yuuri pulls Phichit’s sleeve, signalling for him to hang back.

“What’s wrong?” Phichit asks. He brings Mack up to Yuuri’s eye level and gently boops her nose with Yuuri’s.

Mack woofs softly. She licks Yuuri’s cheek.

“I just–– What if he doesn’t like our present?”

Phichit gives him a look. “It’s hilarious. How can he _not_ like it?”

“I don’t know,” Yuuri says, tugging nervously at the hem of his sweater. “What if he decides that he hates it, and he hates us, and he disowns us and we don’t have a coach and we never get to see Mack again, and––”

Phichit sets Mack down gently. He cups Yuuri’s face.

“Yuuri. It’s _us_. He’s basically adopted us, at this point. We’ll be okay, even if he doesn’t like it. But he will, trust me. We’re _geniuses_.”

“Hey!” Celestino calls out from the kitchen. “Are you two gonna help me out or not? There are vegetables that need to be chopped and I’m pretty sure Mack can’t hold a knife!”

“We’re _guests_ , we can’t do the cooking!” Phichit yells back. He turns back to Yuuri and asks, softer, “are we good?”

Yuuri smiles. “Yeah, we’re good.”

Dinner is a group effort, but Celestino still does most of the work. He tries to get the two of them to contribute, but it’s a lost cause. Phichit keeps stopping half way through cutting the vegetables to snapchat everything and Yuuri is easily distracted by Mack. Eventually, they have an entire farm’s worth of chicken laid out on the dining table, along with enough pasta to fill a school bus. They scarf down the food, all three of them pretending that they’re not sneaking bits of food to Mack, despite the fact that she has her own bowl of gourmet dog food.

Star Wars is a Christmas tradition for them, so after they eat they all migrate to the couch to watch _A New Hope_ while opening presents.

“This is yours, Ciao Ciao,” Phichit says, pulling out a small box from his coat pocket. “From both of us.”

“And this is for Mack!” Yuuri gets up to retrieve the huge gift bag they’d dropped off a couple days ago. It’s sparkly and has paw prints patterned all over it.

“This is favoritism,” Celestino complains, taking his tiny present with a smile. Mack dives into the gift bag and emerges with a fluffy, mini-corgi plush. Phichit reaches in and pulls out the rest, creating a pile of bones and bouncy balls and stuffed toys.

Mack pants happily next to her pile of riches. Celestino chuckles.

“How much did you two spend on her?” he asks.

Yuuri thinks about the lack of digits on his last bank statement. “Way too much, but it was worth it.”

“Boof!”

“Open yours, Ciao Ciao!” Phichit crows. “You’re gonna _love_ it!”

Celestino undos Yuuri’s careful wrapping and opens the box.

He blinks down at it. He looks back up at Phichit and Yuuri, and then back down at the box.

“Well...?” Phichit presses. Yuuri takes his hand nervously. He _knew_ Celestino wouldn’t like it. They should have gotten him the ugly earmuffs.

“Phichit and Yuuri’s _‘Sorry we’re such little shits’_ coupon book,” Celestino reads aloud. He raises an eyebrow.

“Flip through it,” Phichit encourages him. “We worked very hard.”

Celestino tries to look stern, but his lip is twitching in a way that means he’s actually very amused. Yuuri lets out a breath of relief.

Celestino flips to the first page. “Five minutes of silence coupon. Awful. It should be five hours.”

“We tried to keep it to things we could realistically do,” Yuuri explains. Celestino snorts.

“Uh, huh. Okay, next… coupon for one free home-cooked meal.”

“We make the _best_ curry.”

“I know,” Celestino says, not bothering to hide his amusement anymore, “I’ve had it before. I didn’t think I’d need a coupon for it.”

“Well, now you do. We’ve just raised our prices. We’re in a recession, you know?”

Celestino rolls his eyes. “Is it too soon to use the five minutes of silence coupon?”

Phichit grins. “Continue.”

Celestino flips through the tiny book, chuckling every now and then. “Let’s see, coupon for two hours practice with no complaining… one free lesson for the Tiny Demons taught by Phichit… Hmm, one day free of dog theft attempts, that’s a good one.”

Finally, he looks up and grins. “Kids, I think this is genuinely the best Christmas present I’ve ever received.”

Phichit and Yuuri let out twin cheers. Phichit fist pumps.

“I knew it!”

“I have a feeling I’ll be running out of the coupons for five minutes of silence real quick,” Celestino sighs. He gets off the couch and picks up a wrapped box from under the tree, depositing it in Yuuri’s lap. It’s extremely heavy and big enough to smother Yuuri. “This is for you two.”

Phichit snatches the box from Yuuri and tears at the paper like a rabid animal.

“Hey!”

“You always unwrap presents _neatly_ and it takes, like, twelve years to open them! Let me do it this time!”

Phichit clears the last of the paper to reveal a set of Hello Kitty themed pots and pans, a matching set to their already existing soup pot.

“I got you two some cookware so you stop breaking into my apartment to use my kitchen.”

“It’s not breaking in if we have a key,” Phichit points out. He’s smiling wide and bright like the sun.

“Thank you, Ciao Ciao,” Yuuri says, getting embarrassingly choked up over _cookware_. “It… it means _so_ much to me–– _hic!_ ”

“Are you _crying?_ ” Phichit launches himself across the couch and tackles Yuuri, knocking him into Celestino. “ _Aw,_ Yuuri! You’re so cute!”

“I-I’m sensitive! And we really needed a new pan!”

“Kids, get _off_!” Celestino half-yells, half-laughs. “You’re both so heavy!”

“Bork!”

Mack adds herself to the growing cuddle puddle, settling her fluffy mass right over Celestino’s face. He sputters. Yuuri’s tears dissolve into giggles. He feels so saturated with love he could burst.

Outside the snow falls softly. People shuffle off to parties, or curl up at home. Lights twinkle. On Celestino’s TV screen, Princess Leia tells Obi-Wan that he’s her only hope. Cars cruise by on the street below. Yuuri finds himself buried under his best friend, sandwiched between his coach and the best corgi in the world, full of pasta and love, which are basically the same thing.

“So,” Phichit drawls, once they’ve calmed down and found themselves sprawled out all over Celestino’s living room floor. Celestino has rolled under the Christmas tree. Phichit is curled up around their brand new pan. Yuuri is draped upside down over the couch. “We should get going. Yuuri’s friend is throwing a party, so see you on Tuesday, Ciao Ciao.”

Yuuri sits up. “I want to get so drunk I forget about my failed calc final.”

Celestino chuckles. “Oh, I don’t know about that, kiddo.”

Phichit narrows his eyes. “What… Ciao Ciao, what do you mean?”

Celestino grins. He takes out his coupon book and tears out a page, handing them both one coupon for a surprise 6 AM practice session.

Yuuri pales. Phichit stammers in protest.

Celestino cackles.

**Author's Note:**

> I know this is christmas themed but happy holidays to everyone, no matter what you do or dont celebrate!! See yall in 2018!!
> 
> I drew a companion piece for this and you can find it on tumblr [here](https://xyloophones.tumblr.com/post/168913245898/happy-holidays-end-of-the-year-everyone-as-a)
> 
> i'm [xyloophones](https://xyloophones.tumblr.com/) on tumblr and on twitter i'm [@_xylophones](https://twitter.com/_xylophones)


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